"Call it Off": Jessica and Jerry"

"Call it Off": Jessica and Jerry"

"My brother, Jerry, needs to call his wedding off. This is ridiculous!" exclaims Rebecca. "He's too young; she's too old."


James, Jerry's twin, agrees. "Jerry is in a very different place in life than Jessica is. He's fresh out of high school," he says. "Jessica has two kids. He doesn't have a job. It's just a bad situation to be in."

 

"James is a jealous jerk, and he needs to get a life and leave me alone," Jerry says angrily. "My sister, Rebecca, has tried to get me down my entire life and needs to go to hell. I don't like my sister at all," he says, fighting tears.


Jessica, Jerry's 30-year-old fianceé, has no plans to stop the wedding. "He is wonderful. He is kind, loving. There is nobody else in the world I'd rather be with," she says. Jessica rejects the notion that she is manipulating her betrothed. "Jerry is very mature for his age. Jerry speaks his own mind. I do not tell Jerry what to do."

 

Despite protests from some family members, Jerry says he's following his heart. "We were seriously dating for two or three weeks before I proposed to Jessica," he says. "I knew she was the one. She's the perfect woman for me."

"I am currently living with Jerry's mom and dad at their house with my two children," Jessica discloses.

 

"Jessica is taking advantage of my brother and my parents," James says. "I honestly believe that [Jerry] had sex with this girl for the first time and thinks he fell in love, when it's just lust."

 

Rebecca also believes her brother is being seduced. "This is Jerry's first sexual relationship. In Jerry's mind, it's going straight to, 'All right, now that we've had sex, now we need to get married,'" she surmises.

 

Jessica maintains that she and Jerry have not consummated their relationship. "Jerry and I are waiting to have sex until we're married," she says firmly.

"I have eight other siblings; six of them are against Jerry and Jessica getting married," Rebecca reveals. "I'm not going to the wedding because I don't support their marriage."

Addressing Jerry, Dr. Phil says, "Tell me why you're getting married so quickly."

"Because we've decided to get married. We've known each other for three years, and we love each other," Jerry replies.

"Have you had a lot of girlfriends?"

Jerry answers, "I've had plenty of girlfriends."

"Is that true?" Dr. Phil asks James. 

"Not to my knowledge," he replies.

Rebecca interjects, "To my knowledge, you've had maybe one or two previous to her." She turns to Jessica. "What gets me is at Christmas, not too long ago, I specifically asked you if you had any interest in any of my brothers. I know we were talking about [my brother] Roger, and I asked you if you had any interest in any of my brothers. I come home, and a week later I get a call that you're getting married!"

"No, I said to you I was interested in one of your brothers, but I did not tell you which one," Jessica counters.

"You think that she's flirted with other of your brothers, right?" Dr. Phil asks Rebecca. 

"I had heard that she and her sister had flirted with many of my brothers, so her motives for marrying him are very questionable to me," she replies.

"Jerry, you're getting ready to have an instant family. You're getting ready to have a 30-year-old wife and two children. Do you think that you understand what that entails?" Dr. Phil inquires.

 

"Yes, I do," he replies. "I have lived with them now for a couple weeks, and it's fine."

"Is this your first sexual relationship?" Dr. Phil asks.

"No."

"Are you having a sexual relationship here?" Dr. Phil probes.

"Not physically sexual, no," Jerry responds.

Dr. Phil gives Jerry a perplexed stare. "You are a smart guy. You have to know that being a father at 19 of two kids, that you are not prepared for that. There's no way you could be. You're 19. You're going to go from no relationship to four weeks into a relationship and bang " you have instant family, just add water. Does that not scare you?"

"Not really, no," Jerry replies.

"That's the answer I thought I was going to get, and that's the answer that tells me you absolutely, unequivocally should not do this," Dr. Phil says. "If that doesn't scare you, that's like somebody getting ready to ride a motorcycle off the edge of the Grand Canyon: ‘Does this worry you?' ‘No, hell no!' Then that tells me they don't know. They don't know what's getting ready to happen. You don't have a home. You don't have a way to have a home."

Dr. Phil turns to Jerry's betrothed, Jessica. "You've been living with your parents, right?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies.

"And now you're moving in with his parents. He's 19, and he doesn't know any better. You do. You're 30. This is just wrong," Dr. Phil declares. 

Jessica shrugs. "That's your opinion, but OK," she says.

"Yes, that's my opinion, and I'll guarantee you, we could go out on Melrose and stop the first 100 cars. If there's somebody in the audience who doesn't think this is wrong, then somewhere there is a village missing its idiot," Dr. Phil fires back. "Does it bother you to go to the courthouse and get a marriage license with somebody who doesn't have a driver's license?"

"No," Jessica replies. 

Dr. Phil tries another tack. "Do you not see the fallacies of marrying a 19-year-old, inexperienced, unemployed young man?" he asks.

"Everybody has their opinion. I love him, so that's what I'm going with."

"How can you love someone after two weeks?" Rebecca asks.

"I've loved him longer than two weeks, Becca. You just never knew," Jessica says. 

"What do you love about him? What do you know about him?" Rebecca prods.

"If you really love him, then don't you think he deserves a chance at life? Don't you think he deserves a chance to be a young man, and get out there and enjoy himself, and learn something about the world, and have some friends, and get an education?" Dr. Phil asks Jessica.

 

She refuses to budge from her position. "He has friends, and he is able to do whatever he'd like. I'm not holding anybody down," she says. 

"If you guys were 40 years old, both of you, and you had traveled the world, educated, good jobs, good careers, and said, ‘We got in a relationship two weeks ago and we're going to get married in two weeks.' If you were 40 and experienced and mature, I would tell you that was a higher form of insanity that was destined for failure," Dr. Phil warns the couple. "There are things you have to do. You have to prepare for marriage. You have to go through premarital counseling, and have an economic plan and a life plan ... At least, call time out and let me provide you with some premarital counseling to problem-solve some things. What's the hurry? Why do this in two weeks? If you love him in two weeks, you'll love him in two months."

"I agree," Jessica says.

"Are you wiling to call time out and prepare?" Dr. Phil asks. 

Jerry shrugs. "No, I'll probably just do it anyway," he says.

When Dr. Phil asks Jessica the same question, she says, "I'm not going to call time out, no. I'm getting married next week."

Dr. Phil tries to reason with the couple. "You could only improve the chances of compatibility by doing some responsible preparation " whether it be through the church or through independent counsel. You would improve your chances of success by delaying it."

 

"I understand that," Jessica says. "I think I have pretty good chances, even though nobody else thinks so."

 

"What do you think about taking some counsel here, and just kind of getting your ducks in a row before you go forward?" Dr. Phil asks Jerry.

 

"I don't really want counseling," he replies, "but if she wants counseling, I'm wiling to go to it."

 

When Dr. Phil asks Jerry if he would consider postponing his nuptials to seek therapy, Jerry says, "If it would shut people up, maybe."

 

"He's saying he's willing to do that. How about you?" Dr. Phil asks Jessica.

 

"Sure," she replies.

 

Dr. Phil promises to arrange premarital counseling for the couple, and they accept the help.