Confidence Course: An Insecure Twin

Confidence Course: An Insecure Twin
A woman hopes that Dr. Phil can help her be as confident as her identical twin sister.
"I would like to gain more confidence in social situations," says Jamie (right), who agonizes over her appearance every day and spends her time at parties worrying that people are thinking negative thoughts about her.

Jamie's twin sister Janna (left), who doesn't have self-esteem issues, worries that Jamie is wasting her life away by being consumed with her looks and what people think about her. "It bothers me when Jamie makes comments about being ugly because we are identical," says Janna. "Sometimes I even ask her, 'Do you think I am ugly?'"

Jamie admits that although she thinks her identical twin is beautiful, she doesn't see herself the same way. "Dr. Phil, how can I walk into a room of strangers with my head held high?" asks Jamie.
Dr. Phil tells Jamie, "You say this [lack of confidence] is a terrible disease. Let me tell you about a terrible disease: A terrible disease is not when you're nervous at a party. It's not terrible, and it's not a disease. It's a choice."

Dr. Phil's cameras follow both sisters at a cocktail party to illustrate how Jamie's negative thoughts overwhelm her ability to socialize — while her sister Janna is the life of the party.

"Only seven percent of what you communicate is verbal," explains Dr. Phil. "Ninety-three percent is body language." By comparing photos that illustrate both sisters' body language, Dr. Phil points out that in order for someone to have met Jamie at the party, they would have had to "throw themselves onto the hood of her car."

"It's true," admits Jamie, who says she wants to learn to be more confident.
Dr. Phil tells Jamie, "In order to change your confidence, you have to change your internal dialogue — the real time conversation that you have with yourself."

Because Jamie is focused on "looking perfect," Dr. Phil asks her if she believes perfection exists. Jamie admits that she doesn't believe so.

"So you are guaranteed to fail by what you are telling yourself," says Dr. Phil. "There is no way in the history of the world you can ever succeed because there is no perfection and that is your standard."

According to Dr. Phil, the good news is that she is in control of her internal dialogue and can change it. "It isn't what they say," says Dr. Phil. "It's what you say. If you change your internal dialogue, you will change your level of self-confidence."