Controlling the Chaos: Dr. Borba

The Doctor is In!
Dr. Borba makes a house call!
 
When the video ends, Dr. Phil turns to Lizette. "Was this helpful?" he asks.
 
"Yes, it was," she replies.
 
Dr. Phil tells Lizette that to ease the bedtime chaos, she needs to give Trinity transition time before tucking her in for the night. "You don't go take a child off the top of the jungle gym, running around like their hair is on fire, and lay them down to go to bed. The contrast is too great," he warns.
 
"You want to ignore all of those attention-getting behaviors, because that will stop you from battling with her," Dr. Borba adds. "There are three Cs you've got to keep in mind: One is, you've got to stay calm with a spirited little critter. Number two is be consistent … and the final one is you've got to be very clear. A clear descriptive message, and then follow through."[AD]
 
Dr. Borba comments on Lizette's time-out mistakes with Trinity.  
 
"What Michele is saying is once you issue the mandate " ‘We're going to time-out' " at that point, the debate is over," Dr. Phil makes clear to Lizette. "Execute the mandate. Put her in time-out."
 
"We bought a timer, and we're going to call it Mr. Timer. When Mr. Timer goes off, it's no longer [Lizette] talking," Michelle shares. She also tells Dr. Phil that Lizette and Ricky are using a better, safer place than the bathroom for time-outs.
"There was a time that things got so stressful that I ended up leaving for a month," admits Lizette on videotape. "My husband and I just weren't seeing things eye to eye at that time, and I felt overwhelmed with stuff that was going on here at home with the kids."
 
"Work was something that kept me away, so I really couldn't help out," Ricky adds. "I would receive phone calls and I would talk to her when I was able to. There were times when she would call me, and I would say, ‘I'm sorry, I can't talk.' I just wouldn't pick up the phone."
 
[AD]With tears in her eyes, Lizette says, "I take a lot out on my husband. I basically tell him, ‘You get to have a break, and I get to stay home and deal with it.' It's really hard, because when he comes home, sometimes we'll just argue. I'm very overwhelmed. I still feel like I'm slipping away slowly."
 
"You need help," Dr. Phil tells Lizette in his studio. "If you love your children, and I know you do, then you will take care of their parent's marriage."
 
He turns to Ricky. "You have to get the fact that she's telling you, ‘I know my limitations. I cannot keep doing this.' She's 26 with four kids, some problems in there, and it's like there's no relief."
 

"I felt horrible as a mother, because my kids are always in trouble with something," Lizette tells Dr. Phil. "I felt like I was always nagging at my kids all day long. I felt horrible. There were nights when I would go to bed and just cry, because I felt like, ‘I didn't even give my kids a compliment today.'"

[AD]"Do you hear what she's saying?" Dr. Phil asks Ricky.

 

Dr. Phil reminds Ricky of the role of the man in the family. "This can get better, and it will get better, but you have to plug back in and help her," he says. He also tells Lizette that she needs to take care of herself and take her husband up on his offer to give her a break.