Dr. Phil asks Dwayne why he has come to the show.
"I don't want my kids to grow up like me," Dwayne replies.
"How do you describe yourself?" Dr. Phil asks.
"As an individual who basically never sees the positive in something," Dwayne tells him. "I'm always finding fault. I'm
"Do you sometimes feel happy and positive inside, but you don't know how to express it?" Dr. Phil asks.
"I feel it sometimes, but 90 percent of the time it's a feeling of trying to correct what's wrong. When I do feel good, I can't express how I truly feel," Dwayne says. "I was taught, basically, how to find fault, how to correct things, but as far as when it comes to understanding how I make other people feel, and being responsible for what I say and what I do to other people, there's been no repercussion on that for me," he explains.
"Well, why aren't you blaming this on somebody else then?"
"Because in the past three relationships that I was in, no one would actually stand up and say, 'Dwayne, you're wrong.'"
"Children learn what they live," Dr. Phil tells Dwayne, explaining that his problem stems from his history with a stepfather who beat him.
Dwayne agrees and says, "I'm in an extreme situation of being a product of my environment."
"But you realize you're now a free-thinking adult and you have a choice. You don't have to do that," Dr. Phil tells him. Dwayne nods yes.
Dr. Phil asks Melissa how she feels when Dwayne is criticizing her.
"It makes me feel small as a person," she explains. She also gets caught in the middle between Dwayne and the children, because he often takes out his emotions about the marriage on the kids.
Dr. Phil thinks that Dwayne fears losing control. "There's this alpha male mentality, where the guy's got to be dominant. He's got to be in control and he's got to tell everybody what they're doing," he explains. "It's what I call leveling." Dr. Phil explains that Dwayne makes other people feel inadequate in order to boost his own self-esteem. "I think it's a
For Dwayne to change things, he needs to let his guard down and get out of his comfort zone. Dr. Phil tells him to make a plan with the end result in mind: having his wife feel happy, comfortable, safe, secure, loved, valued and appreciated. "I want you to expand your definition of success as a man," he says. "Decide that you're going to set a goal, and you're going to wake up every morning and you're going to consciously choose an attitude." Dr. Phil suggests that Dwayne should make others walk away from him saying, "'You know what? Every time I'm around that guy, I feel better about me.'" Also, he should strive to make his children proud of themselves when they are with him and away from him.
Dr. Phil tells Dwayne that if he wants his children and other people to feel good after interacting with him, he has change his ways and do what he calls "role construct." He explains,
Dr. Phil ends his time with Dwayne saying, "Part of it is just real simple: Just don't take yourself quite so seriously."