Follow-Ups: Troy and Tammy

Still Fighting?
Dr. Phil follows-up with Tammy and Troy to see where there marriage is at.Since their appearances on "The Buttinskys" and "The Bickersons," Troy and Tammy's marriage continues to be volatile.

"After I watched Troy and I screaming in front of Faith on the last Dr. Phil show, I was disgusted.
I couldn't believe that my baby girl is watching this," Tammy reflects. She says that Troy continued to give her mixed messages about his interest in their marriage, from saying he was sorry and that he loved her, to flirting with another woman when they were out together. About two weeks after that incident, Troy moved out. Tammy has even resorted to tape recording Troy as evidence of how he treats her. "I did it to save my back on a few things that Troy has said, because he seems to forget what he says a lot of the time," she explains.TEST

Tammy is romantically involved with someone since the split, and she has recently filed for divorce. "I 150,000 times was willing to do, undo, redo and do over whatever it took to make it work," she says, and now worries what will happen with the divorce. "Troy told me that his parents would financially back him until I had nothing left, and that then he would take Faith. That they would love to bury me and leave me with nothing," she explains.
Troy also admits that the last show had a big impact on him. "While I was on the show there was a lightbulb moment. I did not want to see myself in that situation ever again," he says. Troy denies that he was involved with other women, and he was upset when he found out about Tammy's new relationship. "When I found out she was with somebody, I thought she was just garbage for doing that. It's sleazy," he explains. "I do miss her, but I do not like her," he admits.


Troy doesn't believe that Tammy has actually filed divorce papers, and says, "Tammy's 100 percent responsible for breaking up this marriage."Dr. Phil establishes that both Troy and Tammy want a divorce. He asks, "You've said a number of times that you wanted to get a divorce and you've changed your mind later, correct?"

"I'm not angry at Troy anymore," Tammy explains. "I want to raise Faith with Troy as co-parents, but I think he's made the decision too many times too easy to leave, and every time I've taken him back. I made it really clear this last time that if he leaves, it's over, and he said he's leaving, and it's over. I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore."

Troy disputes this, saying that Tammy always begs him not to leave, and he wants to make clear that it's not her taking him back, but it's mutual. "You took me back four times," Troy wants to clarify. "The last time I remember was you begging, holding onto my ankles, saying, 'Don't leave.'"

Troy continues, "I do want to take the emotion out of it. I blame myself getting into this marriage and I'm going to take myself out of this marriage. That's the difference between Tammy and I," Troy says. He says that Tammy blames his mom, her parents, and everybody. "She takes no responsibility for that," he tells Dr. Phil.


"I blame you and I blame me for making it work or not work," Tammy interrupts. "I gave this 150 percent for as long as I've had it in me to do. You've walked out the door. You've invested nothing. You've had one foot out the door since the day we got married, and you know what? That's fine, you just keep walking right now," she tells him.

Dr. Phil points out the anger, bitterness and hostility in their voices as they speak to each other. He reminds them that they have children in the middle of all of the fighting. "At what point do you say, 'I'm going to stop meeting my need to vent anger and rage on the other person, and put the children's interest first'?"


"I don't know how to do that," Troy admits, blaming Tammy for involving thier daughter in activities he doesn't approve of.

Dr. Phil questions how Tammy jumped into a new romance. "He isn't even moved out and yet you're dating someone else?" he asks. "What are you thinking?"

Dr. Phil explains that they have "unfinished emotional business" to deal with before they can move on. Changing partners again isn't the answer he says, "unless and until you get right with who you are."

"How much closure can you possibly have?" Tammy asks, saying that their relationship has been closed for a very long time.

"Well you could at least get the papers filed," Dr. Phil answers, referring to the fact that she has not yet served Troy with the divorce papers. He mentions that he has the papers in his possession. "If you want to hand them to him you can," he says to Tammy, and she takes the papers and gives them to Troy.

Dr. Phil tells Tammy and Troy that the divorce rate in America is 50 percent for first marriages, 63 percent for second marriages, and 80 percent for third marriages. "Now that should tell you two things," he says. "Number one, racing off to some wonderful relationship that's going to cure your life, chances are not good. Number two, the common denominator is you."Dr. Phil introduces Leslie Rogers, a licensed social worker who has been working with Tammy and Troy. He asks Troy why he has not seen her since March 16th.

"We had a talk and it basically was kind of a conflict of interest," Troy tells him.

"You didn't show up to counseling. That's why she quit seeing you and not me!" Tammy exclaims.

"You said you didn't want to come anymore and Tammy started working on Self Matters and working very, very hard ... she's the one who's willing to do the work and to embrace the process we started. It was too difficult for me to stay neutral," Leslie says to Troy.

Dr. Phil expresses his concern as Tammy and Troy move forward with their relationship. "You must be good fiduciaries for the children," he tells them. He explains that if either of them try to

put the other parent at a distance from their daughter, "she will resent you for it for the rest of her life." He continues, "you will both cheat her if you beat each other up mentally, emotionally in the presence of, or in a way that impacts her."


Dr. Phil tells Troy that he needs to deal with his anger toward Tammy. "You really need to deal with that. You really need to say, 'If it's not Leslie,' then it needs to be someone that you can make an ongoing plan to work through that," he says, offering to find him another therapist to work with.

Dr. Phil reminds them that they need to do whatever they have to do to put their daughter first, and make sure they are behaving as responsible people. "Each of you have things that you can and need to resolve in order to give this child the kind of loving support, from both sides, mother and father, that she so sorely needs, and certainly deserves," he tells them.