Hell Weddings: Marvin and Angela

Hell Weddings: Marvin and Angela

"I am a bridezilla. It's my wedding. I am number one and proud of it!" says Angela.

Her fiancé, Marvin, doesn't dispute her boasts. "She is controlling. It has to be her way and no other way," he says.


Marvin and Angela argue over all the wedding details " from where to host the reception to the flowers. "When we go to see vendors, it's an absolute nightmare. He picked a cake with fish on it. I'm so sorry. We cannot do that," Angela says. "I'm the belle of the ball. I can't do without my dress. He's definitely not wearing cream. He's too big, he's too round, he's too dark for cream," she says, calling her husband a "chocolate Milk Dud!" as he tries on his tuxedo.

Angela has firmly decided on an expensive ring, although they have exceeded their $12,000 budget. "I want a princess cut, two karats. No other ring will do," she says. 

Marvin laughs heartily at the ring's $3,000 price tag. "I would like to see her get something smaller," he says.


To ensure that her bridesmaids follow all the rules, Angela put her demands in writing. "The bridal newsletter tells them all about the wedding, what they're wearing, their makeup, their hair, their nails, their toes " everything," she says. "It lets everybody know, ‘Hey, I am not playing.'"

Angela's sister, Victoria, who is also her maid of honor, voices her concerns. "Angela has gone overboard with the policies on her newsletter. She has to be realistic," she
says.

"When I try to make suggestions to Angela, Angela looks at me with a death threat type of look," Marvin says. "If I had to describe this process, then I would say, ‘Run,' because it is hell!"

"This seems to be all about the wedding and not at all about the marriage," Dr. Phil says.

"Amen," Marvin says with a chuckle. 

"I disagree. The wedding is very important to me, and I've expressed that to him on a number of occasions," Angela says. "I just want my wedding that I've dreamed of my entire life, and I think I should have it."

"I think the wedding is kind of the woman's deal. I think the husband should be involved, and I think he should be excited about it," Dr. Phil says, "but can you go too far?"

Dr. Phil reads some of the rules from Angela's bridal newsletter. "'Jewelry: I will purchase that. No blingy jewelry.' Doesn't want anyone shining on the wedding day but you," he says. "‘Nails have to be done in French, American or clear. No color. Hair: no braids, and must practice all styles in advance.'"

"That's right," Angela says.

"How do you get people to do this?" Dr. Phil asks. "Why don't they just say no?"

"They can't say no. If they say no, then they're just out," Angela says. "It has to be this way."

"Have you already kicked somebody out?" Dr. Phil asks.

Angela chooses her words carefully. "I have kicked four people " I didn't kick them out; I cut them out," she says. "They're gone."

"What did they do to offend your sensibilities?" 

"We agreed on six. We got up to 10, so we cut the four that I felt needed to go," Angela replies. "They were too controversial with me."

Angela's sister, Victoria, shares her thoughts. "What I can't understand is, if you call someone a friend, you accept that individual for exactly who they are," she says.

Dr. Phil gets Marvin's side of the story. "You don't get to wear cream at the wedding?" he asks.


"No," Marvin answers.

"Does it matter to you that he wants to wear cream at the wedding?" Dr. Phil asks Angela. "You say he's too ‘black' for cream."

"He's too dark for cream," Angela says.

"Is this scaring the bejeebers out of you?" Dr. Phil asks Marvin.

"Totally," he says.

"Is this a parent-child relationship, or does she respect you for the man that you are?" Dr. Phil asks.

"I respect him " " Angela speaks up.

Dr. Phil interjects, "I'm asking him."

"In certain aspects, certain areas, she respects me, but in the majority of it, no," Marvin replies. "I think she wants to be the one who has the control over everything, the overseer."

"This is her day. You should defer to her everywhere that you can," Dr. Phil says, but at the same time, Marvin shouldn't get trampled on. "You teach people how to treat you."

"Have you gone too far?" Dr. Phil asks Angela.

"No," she says quickly.

Dr. Phil turns to Marvin. "You proposed to her at the airport, and she hated it," he says.

Marvin describes the proposal, which occurred when he returned home from his grandmother's funeral. "When I got back to the airport, I dropped down on one knee when I saw [Angela]. No sooner had I dropped down to one knee" " he illustrates an imaginary hand yanking his arm " "'Got to get up. Nope, not here.'"

"You don't think that there's a way to take an attitude that says, ‘You know what? This isn't just about me. I'm the star. I'm the queen. I truly am,' but these bridesmaids and people who are in the wedding, they're doing that as a favor to you," Dr. Phil tells Angela. "They're giving their time, effort, energy, expense " whatever " to honor this union, and you don't sound appreciative at all."

"I understand that they're doing it for me. At the same time, my friends know me. The bridezilla behavior is no different than day-to-day. They understand that I have rules and regulations, as I do in life. It's how I've become successful, by sticking to my grounds," Angela says, voice breaking. "I've been a single mother for 15 years, and I've handled that."

At some point, Dr. Phil says, Angela needs to cut the apron strings. "Sometimes we fight so hard to control everything, if we would just let go a little bit and find out, [Marvin] may have something to offer here. He may give you more than you would ever think to demand," Dr. Phil says.

"I have done that. This is me toned down," Angela says. "I have come a long way."

"Especially since the birth of our son," Marvin says.

Angela rubs at her tear-stained face. "The child has really toned me down. I have become a totally different person, but I can take all of me out," she says.

 

"I'm not suggesting that you should, but I do think you might want to dial up some social sensitivity, and see if you are breaking his spirit," Dr. Phil says. "You want to do this with him, not to him."