Inspired by a Guest: Missy

No More Bickering
Dr. Phil talks to Missy about how watching "The Bickersons" inspired her to change."
Missy was in the audience during a taping of "The Bickersons," when Troy and Tammy's fighting gave her a wake-up call. "I'm very confrontational," she says. "It gets heated, very heated and we do it in front of the kids."


When Missy watched a taped piece of Troy and Tammy yelling in front of their child " who is the same age as Missy's daughter, she recalls, "It just broke my heart. I said that's it. My husband and I can't do that in front of our kids anymore."


Missy also admits to being a right-fighter, and says that Dr. Phil's advice to Troy and Tammy helped her see the error of her ways. "When I was at the show and I heard Dr. Phil say, 'No one
wins an argument,' it made me realize that he's right," she says. "I don't need to be the right one, [my husband] doesn't need to be the right one. We just need to resolve the issue."


Now Missy and her husband, Mike, settle their disagreements in a calmer way. "When we have a confrontation, one of us will say it's not right and we discuss things," she says. "I am definitely a changed wife and a changed mother because I don't look for a fight anymore. Thank you Tammy, Troy and Dr. Phil for a big wake-up call."
"You had to know that wasn't right before," Dr. Phil tells Missy. "What clicked this time?"


Missy replies, "Seeing the little girl and what it was doing to her broke my heart because we do that in front of our kids."


Turning to Missy's husband, Mike, in the audience, Dr. Phil asks, "Is she doing better?"

"Great," he replies. "I'm not getting confrontational either because she's not confronting me."


"What do you guys say to yourselves to stop that train from going down that track?" Dr. Phil asks.


"'It's not appropriate. Let's talk about this later,'" Missy answers. Although it can be difficult in the heat of an argument, they say, 'We've got to do this when [the kids] are not around."


"What do you get so upset about that is so urgent that you feel this push to do it right now?" Dr. Phil questions.


"Anything," Missy replies.

"When I was reading all of the background on you guys, basically you said, 'We fight about everything,'" Dr. Phil tells Missy.


"Argue, we argue," she clarifies.


"Don't you start with me," Dr. Phil jokes. "Does that tell you that when you argue about everything that you argue about nothing? So maybe one of the biggest steps to make this easier for yourself is to just quit taking yourself so seriously."


Using a graphic, Dr. Phil explains to Missy the rules for fighting fair. "Number one: You have to take it private and keep it private. And if it's really so earth-shattering that it has to be dealt with, it will still be earth-shattering 10 minutes later, 30 minutes later, an hour later, after the kids go to bed. Number two: You have to keep it relevant. If what you're upset about is the car, money, his mother, whatever it might be, then you don't want [the argument] to deteriorate to character assassination. You've got to keep it relevant and you've got to keep it real."


Dr. Phil adds, "You need to allow your partner to retreat with dignity ... I bet you're right a lot. Aren't you right a lot?"


"I think he apologizes to shut me up," Missy says.


"You've got to make your point and let them retreat," Dr. Phil says.

Continuing with his rules for fighting fair, Dr. Phil explains, "You need to set a time limit. Sometimes just say, 'Look, let's discuss this for 10 minutes and back away from it.' Because the scariest words that a man ever hears is, 'We need to talk.' And the reason men react to it so badly is because it's like there's no end." To Mike, Dr. Phil asks, "If you knew you were going in the barrel for like 10 minutes, you could do anything for 10 minutes, right?

"Exactly," Mike replies.


Dr. Phil congratulates Missy on using the show as a wake-up call, and for taming her temper.