Mail Order Brides: David and Meg

Mrs. Right?

"The mail order bride business is booming," Dr. Phil says of the two billion dollar per year industry. "Many men travel to the ends of the earth to meet Mrs. Right."

"Sixty one sites on the Internet are in the business of international matchmaking. "Is this money buying love?" Dr. Phil asks. "David says yes. Tired of the materialistic, spoiled and unfaithful women found here in the United States, [he says] he turned his search overseas, where he met his wife, Meg."


"I was willing to roll the dice and travel 7,000 miles to meet her."


Dr. Phil comments on the manner in which David and Meg join him onstage. "You carried her [out here]. Some people might say it's like property. You said, ‘Where should I put her?'"


"That's right," David agrees.


The couple say they have been together for almost two years. David says he knew Meg was "the one" even before they met.


"He was so friendly," she adds.

Meg says things went downhill quickly. Not long into their relationship, Meg says she threatened to leave David and return to Romania. "I don't like when someone orders me and [acts like] a boss," she says.

David admits he's bossy. "It's something that I need your help with," he tells Dr. Phil. 


David refuses to date American women and has a long list of reasons why. He says they don't see marriage and having children as a satisfaction in and of itself. He says further, they are cheaters and unmotivated to be faithful, dedicated, honest or unspoiled. He insists American women have no idea what commitment means, no amount of money can satisfy them, they "think a broken fingernail is a crisis," they "want the most expensive, newest, shiniest article they can have, and price should not be a problem," and they want better than what they currently have. He continues that American women think the size of a diamond reflects the amount of love in a relationship, they aren't healthy, they don't exercise or eat right. And, he concludes, they look for any excuse to whine or complain.

[AD]"Isn't that casting all women in a pretty broad net?" Dr. Phil asks.

"For 59 years, I tried my hardest to meet a woman who would be sincere," David explains. "My experience tells me [American women] are not. I got married twice. I got divorced twice. I've dated hundreds of women. I've never met one."

David tells Dr. Phil that he's to blame for his failed marriages, but only because he was "too nice of a guy."

"You don't strike me as the puppy dog type," Dr. Phil says. "You strike me as being very outspoken, and I wonder if you were a bit overbearing in those marriages. I'm just curious if you're doing the same thing with [Meg], because she says you are bossy to the point she's threatened to leave you and go back to Romania. Are you doing the same thing in number three that you did in numbers one and two?"

David says he's trying to learn from his mistakes. He says the biggest problem in his relationship with Meg is not his bossiness, but communication. Meg speaks only broken English, and David speaks no Romanian.

Meg also complains that David insists she answer the phone on the first ring, forces her to refill her own prescriptions and won't help her clean or take care of their baby.

David admits he can't give Meg the support she wants at home. "I promise to give that to her in the future," he says says.


"You say that he treats you like a slave?" Dr. Phil asks Meg. 

She agrees, adding she'd like to be able to rest and go out on her own, but David doesn't allow her.

"I am controlling, no doubt," David says.

Dr. Phil implores David to walk a mile in Meg's shoes.

 

"A lot of that isn't true anymore," David whispers to Meg. He tells Dr. Phil, "We are getting better, and we are working on it. But, we came on the show to ask you what to do, aside from the obvious, to communicate better, and for me to not be so controlling. Tell me some voodoo magic. Come on!"

[AD]"How about you let me worry about what I'm going to say, and you worry about what you're going to say," Dr. Phil tells David. "But, I found it interesting that you felt the need to tell her, ‘We're doing better!' Why did you feel the need to tell her what you expected here?" He further tells David he's had over 12,000 guests on his show and not 10 who told their spouses what to say during the break. "That would put you in the top one-tenth of one percent of people who try to control what their partner is saying while they are here."

Audience member, Rachel, says that men who go overseas for a wife are simply looking for a subservient woman. "I think that you are controlling, bossy and a misogynist. I think there are a myriad of problems going on," she tells David. 

Melvin also agrees with Rachel. "One of the biggest reasons that [Meg] is with you is she probably wanted to come [to] this country," Melvin says. "You brought her over here, and you're not even treating her right, by [Meg's] words." 

 

"You can be very loud, and you can be very overbearing," Dr. Phil says to David. "I think if you really, sincerely want some input, it is this: You are very stereotypical. You have written off a very large group of women as being flawed, in terms of being materialistic, pampered and whiny " your words, not mine. As a result, that suggests to me that you may have a bit of a misogynistic attitude toward women, and that can get you in trouble with a woman. Women are very sensitive to the way they are treated and interacted with. I think you need to be hypersensitive to be empathic on her behalf." Dr. Phil implores David to see the enormous cultural and linguistic challenges that Meg has to overcome to fit in.

[AD]"It is endemic upon you to bend over backward to put yourself in her shoes and say, 'How can I make this ride more comfortable for her?' You should wake up every day and say, 'What can I do today to make her life better?' Because there is an imbalance of power, you need to be hyper-sensitive and hypervigilant that you don't even unintentionally exploit that."

 

"I'm going to work to show them I am not the person [the audience] thinks I am," David says.