My Fiance is a Stalker: Ken Cheats

Parental Legacy

"Tell me about cheating on her," says Dr. Phil.

"I don't know if I want to talk about that," says Ken.

"I suspect not, because you like playing the victim here."

Ken admits that he has cheated on Amber with his ex-girlfriend and with old high school friends.

"You bragged in the tape piece that you were a big flirt," says Dr. Phil.

"I can be, yeah," he says.

"So, you were bragging you are a flirt, and you've cheated," he says. "This is a pivotal moment: How many times? Before you cover your ass, you want to tell the truth here because we have been doing a lot of checking," he warns.



"I can't count. I wouldn't be able to tell you," admits Ken.

"Well, just venture a guess," says Dr. Phil.

"More than 10," says Ken.

"More than 10 times, which I think is kind of like 'just bumping the car.' I think that is a very conservative thing." Dr. Phil turns to Amber, "He's has cheated more than 10 times, of which you knew about two."

"I actually knew about five," she says.

 

"It's at least 10," Dr. Phil reiterates.

Dr. Phil speaks with Amber's mother. "He's threatened to kill you."

"Yes," says Linda.

"That was while I was nine months pregnant, and I was contracting," adds Amber.


"Does it occur to you that the time to be running your agenda is not when your wife is nine months pregnant and contracting? Does that just seem exceedingly selfish and self-absorbed to you?" asks Dr. Phil.

"Yes, absolutely," says Ken. "At the time, I didn't see. I was so set on getting things together. I sold my truck, got a family car, moved out, and got an apartment, tried to get a place. That is what we were talking about when the argument started " "

Dr. Phil interrupts. "I hear all your talk about, you know, 'All I want is to have access to my fiancée and my daughter. That is all I care about.' How do you square that up with cheating on her 10 times? And you and I both know that the number is a lot higher than that, right?"

"Absolutely," he says. "I can't. I can't describe what goes on in my head when I meet someone or how it happens."

Dr. Phil is not buying it. "You make the decisions, don't you?"

Ken owns up to his infidelities. "I have already basically written off that Amber wants to be with me, so now it's like every day we go more in the hole. I mean, I'm going to have to start looking for something else."

Amber speaks up. "Ken, you've been looking to find someone else for three years. If that's true, then why did you ever get with me in the first place?" she asks. Ken doesn't answer.

"I really want you and I to have a clear understanding here," Dr. Phil tells Ken. "What happened to you growing up is not OK."


"It's a lot more than what I can talk about on TV. My dad has already made that very clear," he reveals.

"You didn't have a great childhood. You were subject to abuse," acknowledges Dr. Phil.

Ken explains, "The abuse was because I was always expected to be the best. I had to be the Eagle Scout. I had to be the 4.0 student. I had to be the best, no matter what it was. Failure was not an option, or there were ramifications."

"Do you realize that changes who you are?" asks Dr. Phil.

Ken continues, with a strained voice. "I went to prison when I got thrown out of my house by my parents, and the cop asked me, 'How did the argument start with your father?' And I told him the truth, that it started because I was using too much lunch meat on my sandwiches. Growing boy, I guess, but with him it wasn't acceptable. I'm eating too much, I'm taking up too much of this around the house, and I leave a mess here, and well, it's hard when you live in a home daycare to keep everything perfect. You can't be a teenager and spread out. Everything has to be in your room and that's it."

"I want to tell all y'all exactly what I think is going on here and what needs to happen. Linda, your concern is absolutely justified, and you are being a loving and attentive mother and parent," says Dr. Phil.


He turns to Amber. "And you need to listen to your mother. She is your support. She is a source of strength for you, and you have absolutely no business marrying this man," he stresses. "As Ken sits here today, you should not have a relationship with him. Absolutely should not, it is unsafe. My belief is, there is an element of you that kind of gets off on the drama and intrigue of this whole thing. I don't t
hink you mean it consciously, but you know, it's just a soap opera that just keeps getting better every day, and you're the star."

"I'll admit to that," says Amber.

 

"You need to recognize that you're not just playing a love game here. You have a daughter, and so you need to stand up and be a mother, and you need to listen to your mother, who knows about being a mother," Dr. Phil tells her.  

Dr. Phil leans in closer to Ken. "You're out of control, and you don't get it. You try to get it. You try to reason through it. You're like a rat in a maze. The rats do the best they can to find their way out, but they just don't have a map. You don't have a map out of this." 

He turns back to Amber and Linda. "Let me tell you something about this guy. He's dangerous because he has a rage problem. He could hurt you both. He could hurt your daughter mentally, emotionally, physically, however you want to talk about it. He is not evil. He is not beyond help."


Back to Ken: "The reason you're squeezing on to her so hard is because you desperately know the truth, and that is that she shouldn't have anything to do with you because your personal truth is that you are damaged goods," he says.

"Absolutely," he agrees. "I've told her that."

"You are hanging on to her desperately, and you're creating exactly what you fear, and that is that you are going to lose your fiancée and your daughter. Right now, you're full of ugly, dark memories. You're full of ugly, dark history. And nobody has ever reached out and said, 'Let me help you.' Well, Ken, I know you're lost. I know you're confused. I know you're in a tremendous amount of pain. Let me help you, son. Let me help you," says Dr. Phil.

He puts a hand on Ken's arm. "I know that you don't trust human touch. I know you're not comfortable with anybody really looking at you and getting to know you. I want you in your daughter's life as the man that you can be. And all of this you're feeling in here is not your fault. You hear me?"


"Thank you," he whispers, sadly.

"It's not your fault. What was done to you was not your fault. But it is your choice what to do about it now," says Dr. Phil. "I am willing to arrange for you immediate, intensive, ongoing help with this. And I want you to leave these people alone until we get that done. Now, will you do that?"

"Yes," agrees Ken.

"I want you to let me get some things done right now. We can do this, and you are going to come back on this stage and you're going to have a whole lot different story to tell. Deal?"

"Yeah," says Ken, shaking hands.