My Mom vs. My Man: Andrea and Vicki

Mother vs. Daughter

"My current relationship with my daughter is very turbulent. Andrea has a sense of entitlement," says Vicki. For the last six years, Vicki says she has allowed Andrea, her ex-husband, Simon, and their children to live in her second home rent-free. Recently, she gave them an ultimatum: start paying rent or move out. "The fight was on. It wasn't, ‘Let's figure out another way to make you more miserable.' She's called me a selfish bitch, ‘You're greedy. You're a lousy mother. You're a monster.'"

 

"I feel justified that we didn't pay rent. We put a lot of work into that house," Andrea says.

 

"I'm telling her that they need to pay rent, and she's always used medical stuff as an excuse. She had two heart attacks and she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. I feel bad about all of that, but my mortgage company doesn't care," Vicki says. "She exhausted my funds."


"I call my mom Saint Vicki. She acts like she does everything, like, ‘Look at me. Look how perfect I am, and look at all I do for Andrea,'" says Andrea. "She didn't have a problem with us not paying rent. She knew we didn't have the money. She would tell us, ‘Don't worry about paying. You need the money,' and then hold it over our heads like we're horrible people."

 

In December 2007, Andrea had the first of two heart attacks, and four months ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. "I believe that my mom has caused a lot of my stress," she says. "It's, like, six years, and all of a sudden, now, 'You have to pay rent when you have cancer,'" Andrea says. "I'm upset about the timing."

 

Andrea says her mother is manipulative and controlling. "She just blows up. She'll scream and yell. She says I'm a spoiled brat, I'm being a bitch. She's called me a bitch, white trash," she shares. "All she cares about is the money. I'm not even as important as her house. I'm grateful. I'm extremely grateful, because she's given us a lot, but I felt really betrayed by her. She didn't realize how much I lose by having cancer. I've lost my whole life, and she just doesn't even see how that hurt me. That was my home that I lived in for almost seven years, where I felt comfortable and safe, and she took all of that away."

Dr. Phil addresses Vicki. "What it sounds like is you picked a time when she was really having serious health problems. After six years, you chose that time to kick her out? What do you say about that?" he asks.

"That's not the truth, and she knows that's not the truth," Vicki says. "She moved out a year ago."

"You kicked me out a year ago," Andrea says to her mother.

"Because you had a boyfriend and you were running around town with him," Vicki says.

The women bicker.

"You were saying, ‘I don't like the choices you're making, so I don't want to support those choices,'" Dr. Phil says to Vicki.

"Exactly," she replies.

"Were you at all sensitive to the fact that she had life-threatening illnesses?" Dr. Phil asks Vicki.

"That's why I told her they could move in the house with me, and they had talked about doing that a month before that," Vicki says.

"Her house would be great, because it's huge," says Simon, Andrea's ex-husband, but he adds that it's not kid-friendly. "It's never going to be kid-proof, and she wasn't going to make it kid-proof for us."

"What's your goal here?" Dr. Phil asks Vicki.

"When this all started, I hoped that she would move in because of the cancer. I wanted to take care of her, and I was taking care of her. I've been to the doctor visits," Vicki says.

"You weren't there until I was 25 years old," Andrea says. "You bought the house for my brother and me to move in. That house was supposed to be mine, Mom. Grandma was supposed to give it to me. That's what you guys decided. You guys have told me that since I was 14 years old."

"That house that you're talking about, that you were supposed to be given, was sold because of taxes," Vicki tells her.

The women argue.