Nanny Affair, 2: final

Nanny Affair, 2: final

Dr. Phil asks Amy, "Are you concerned that maybe you are, like, the queen of denial?"


"Absolutely," she says. "I go to counseling every week to keep me on track. I don't want to fall into the same pattern that I have before."

"I believe you teach people how to treat you, and I'm just not sure that you totally get that and stand up for yourself," Dr. Phil tells Amy.

"I had no boundaries before," Amy admits.

Dr. Phil asks Brandon if he is ready to re-enter his relationship with Amy.

"I wouldn't have come on the show if I didn't feel like I could make an attempt to do that," he says.

"You just called your wife's best friend a whore on national television, and then you defended calling her a whore on national television," he says, pointing out that Brandon even defended hi
s words after he had time to reflect on them. "Do you really think that's OK? … Even if that were true, is there any part of you that says, ‘You know, that's just not the best behavior to display when I'm here trying to show my newfound maturity'?"

"No, absolutely not," Brandon says. "I act a certain way when I'm just with [Amy] and my family, but when [Heidi and I] get around each other, it's basically flame on."

"You did that, and then defended it not once, but twice," Dr. Phil points out. "When we asked you about the affair with the teenage nanny, you said, ‘She was a slut. She came on to me. What's a guy going to do when you're walking down the hall and she's unzipping your pants?'"

"He told me a totally different story," Amy interjects.

"Does that seem to you to be blaming someone else for your bad decisions, for your bad acts?" Dr. Phil asks Brandon. "Does it seem to be saying, ‘It wasn't me. It was her'?"

"I took 50 percent of accountability on that," Brandon says.

"It ain't 50/50! It's 100/0! You're married!" Dr. Phil reminds Brandon. "If you have another encounter with someone who really comes on to you big time, are you going to say, ‘Hey, what's a guy to do?'"

"No," Brandon says.

"Why?" Dr. Phil probes. "What's happened since you gave us that interview?"

"That's something that happened two or three years ago, and I have gotten the counseling," he explains.

"But your analysis of it was now," Dr. Phil points out.

"I wouldn't do that now," Brandon says. "I don't need anybody else, and I understand that. I just want my wife and my family." He notes that growing up he had some interactions that he is not proud of. "It's hard to be a man, especially when you have as much pride as somebody does, and that's why I push my pride away. What can I do for me to benefit my family, my wife, my kids, and move on from that?"

Dr. Phil addresses Heidi. "I hugely disagree with something you said," he says to her. "You said, ‘He's the devil incarnate.' That's not true." Turning to Brandon, he continues. "I think people do the best they can with what they have at the time," he says. "You've not had a good run through this world. You've had some tough stuff in your life, and it's caused you to see the world in a pretty distorted way. And, I don't think you asked for that at the time."

Brandon wipes away tears.

"Now, you are paying the price for all of that," Dr. Phil continues. "I've said a million times, when you parent your children, you write on the slate of who they are, and someone wrote some really ugly things on the slate of who you are. They gave you some warped values, didn't they?"

Brandon nods.

"At the time, when you've got testosterone flowing through your veins, and you're young, and you're out there, and you're just trying to find a way to feel good in the moment, you made some really stupid, stupid decisions. Agreed?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yeah," Brandon says.

"And what you're doing now is seeing that everything that you care about is falling away from you for that, and so you're saying, ‘OK, I don't want to do that,'" Dr. Phil says. Turning to Amy he says, "He doesn't know what to do instead. It's absolutely not fair to you. This is not an evil person. This is a damaged person."

Dr. Phil offers the couple advice. "The fact is, if you two go back together right now, your chance of surviving as a couple is less than zero. Your chance of da

maging your children is 100 percent, because they're going to witness the meltdown between the two of you," he tells them. "Life is not a sprint; it's a marathon. I'm more interested in where you are a year from now, than where you are a week from now."

 

Dr. Phil offers Brandon words of encouragement. "You can learn to be the man that you need to be," he stresses. "You've had seven years of trouble. You're not going to fix it with two weeks or two months of soul searching." He faces Amy and says, "If part of you says that, ‘I'm going to stay involved in this,' then you need to set a high, high standard." He tells Brandon that if he talks Amy into starting their relationship again, he will get what he wants in the short term, but he will not get lasting results. "I have some things that I want you to do, and

then I want you to sit down with a professional," Dr. Phil tells him. To Amy, he offers, "You should not get back in this relationship with him, unless an objective third-party professional evaluates the situation and says, ‘He comes to contribute, not contaminate. He comes with values and strength, not weakness and flaws.' If you go back now, you are throwing your kids under the bus. You are throwing yourself under the bus."

Brandon agrees to do what Dr. Phil has suggested, and Amy agrees not to reconcile at this point.