Obsessive Love, Part 2: Jeffrey's side

Obsessive Love, Part 2: Jeffrey's side

"You're having a hard time back here," Dr. Phil says to Jeffrey. "Tell me why."

 

"I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to hurt her anymore, and I, it's just a lot," Jeffrey says. "I really want to be married; that's why I wrote. I want it to all be better. I want it to be fixed." He acknowledges that his actions were not right, but he is at a loss on how he can learn to trust Jennifer again. "I wish that any of the stupid tests that I tried to do would come back without any kind of confirmation. I wish that I just didn't have to do it at all. I wish I would have never started doing it, because once I

started it, literally, I don't know how to stop. I love my family," Jeffrey says, emotionally.

 

"That is a beautiful, intelligent, articulate woman, and she doesn't have to put up with this," Dr. Phil tells him. "Do you want to have a chance to save this?"

"Yeah," Jeffrey says. "I want to be married, and I want a family more than anything in the world."

 

"Question number one is, 'Do I want to get immediate gratification by getting immediate reassurance?' Like, you would like to rush out there and see her right now, wouldn't you? You get anxious when you don't see her, when you can't see her physically, when you can't contact her, you have anxiety attacks, right?" Dr. Phil asks.

 

"Huge, yeah," he says. "When I was kicked out of the house for three days, I ended up in the hospital."

 

"You've got to decide, do you want to cave to that need for an immediate fix?" Dr. Phil explains. "You could do that, and if you do, let me tell you, I've been doing this for 30 years, she's going to leave you. She's going to get a divorce, and she's going to marry somebody who recognizes her for the quality woman that she is."

 

"I know," Jeffrey says. "I get that. This is, honestly, the first time that she's ever stood up for herself during this period and want to leave me, and it's scary."

Dr. Phil continues. "The other choice is to say, 'You know what? As scary as it is, if I want a chance, I've got to fix me for real,'" he tells Jeffrey. "This isn't about her. You are fixated on her. You are obsessed with her, but it isn't about her. You have an anxiety neurosis, in my opinion. I haven't diagnosed you ... You've also got some obsessive tendencies with it, and you're attempting to control her to alleviate your anxiety, and if you don't fix that, you're

going to get divorced." He points out that if Jeffrey continues his behavior, Jennifer will probably get a restraining order against him, restart her career and make new friends. "This has nothing to do with her. This is about you and your anxiety, and you need to fix that," he stresses. "If you don't, I think you have no chance."

"I understand that," Jeffrey says.

 
"I think some way, in your distorted mind, you've deluded yourself into thinking this would be another tool to get her under control, but the good news is I'm trying to offer you a real answer. A real answer that won't give you a deep breath right this minute, but will give you the best chance you've got of healing this marriage and family going forward, long term," Dr. Phil tells him. "You play this horrible game: 'What if she leaves me? What if I find her with somebody else? What if she goes with somebody instead of me?' Right?"

"Yeah," Jeffrey replies.

"Let's just play out that she says, 'You know what? Through all of your monitoring and scrutiny, you missed this old boy that I've been involved with for a year now, and we're terribly in love, and we're going to get married.' What then?" Dr. Phil asks. "Once that was over, and she got a divorce, what would you do then?"

 

"I don't know. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to move forward," Jeffrey says.

Dr. Phil asks Jeffrey if he would get back to a work routine. "Life would go on, right?" he asks.

 

"I have trouble getting out of bed right now and actually working," Jeffrey says covering his eyes with a handkerchief.

 

"Eventually, you would just have to go on with your life, right?" Dr. Phil says.

 

Jeffrey explains that he once told Jennifer that if they ever separated,

"I would go and become the best person in the world. Best at what I do. Best at everything, so that she would feel bad that she even left me."

 

"If I have the best option available for you to man up and do what it takes to try and heal this family, are you man enough to step up and do it?" Dr. Phil asks Jeffrey.

"I really want to," he replies. "I want to become the man of the family, so that she respects me for what I do. I want to be a good provider, and I want to be a good husband, and I want to be a good father to my family. I want them to have and be the best, and I want to be the man who gives that to them."

"Do you understand that you " mentally and emotionally " are not healthy with this obsession?" Dr. Phil asks.

"I know," Jeffrey says.

Dr. Phil offers Jeffrey help. "She is ready to go home and file for divorce. I'm going to ask her not to do that, if you do something for me," he says. He tells Jeffrey about Creative Care, a program in California that deals with anxiety and obsessive behavior. Dr. Phil has spoken with the director of the facility and has arranged a space for Jeffrey in the program. "I don't know how long you would need to be there, maybe a week " maybe two weeks. I don't know. But it is an intense program to help you get control of your anxiety and obsessive behavior. Will you go?" he asks.



"Yes. Yes," Jeffrey says.

 

Dr. Phil explains that Jeffrey will go directly from the show taping to Creative Care. "I will ask [Jennifer] " It's her decision. I don't tell women what to do " but I will ask her not to make a decision about this until you submit to some professional help," he says, warning, "You go out there and jerk those people around and try and fire them, they're in partnership with me. They don't get fired easy. You can't quit. You quit, I will personally get her a lawyer. You've got to stay hooked up to this."

 

Jeffrey agrees to go. "It's not going to be easy," he says. "I'll go right now. I don't even have to go back out on stage. Take me there now."

"Man to man, you'll do it," Dr. Phil says.

 

"Yes, I will do it. I will do 110 percent. I'll do more than I can," Jeffrey says.

"And you're not going to quit when you get there?" Dr. Phil asks.

"No," Jeffrey says.

The men shake hands.