Perfectionists: JaVae and John

The Perfect Couple
Dr. Phil challenges a perfectionist couple to let their hair down.
JaVae and John
JaVaeand John seem to have it all. John is a doctor and JaVae is a stay-at-home mom with a beautiful house and two loving daughters. But they say that behind the perfect image are two people who are afraid to show their true colors.

"My wife and I are both perfectionists," says John. "I see in her some of my same traits. I don't like the feeling of not being perfect. One time I forgot where I parked the car and it was pretty embarrassing ... It concerns me that if people saw the real me, they might not like me or lose respect ... Before my wife and I go to a party, we'll frequently have a glass of wine to help us not be so nervous."
"My mom always wanted me to look perfect," explains JaVae. "One time I was sick and had to go to the doctor in the middle of the night. She dressed me up and put bows in my hair. I just took over from there. One time I accidentally opened the door without my makeup and I was humiliated. I was like, 'Oh my God, she's seen me without my makeup!' Every time I make a mistake, I obsess about it for days. Even mispronouncing someone's name. I beat myself up inside and say, 'How could you be so stupid?' Dr. Phil, how can my husband and I learn to let go of our quest for perfection and just learn to be ourselves?"
"Answer your own question," says Dr. Phil. "If you want to learn to be yourself, who is that? If we took away the social mask, what is it would we see?"

"A very kind, giving, generous person who is a great mother and wife," answers JaVae.

"Well thank you for sparing us from that!" laughs Dr. Phil. "Because if we saw that, it would just be horrible! Let's talk about what you're hiding."

"My silly, goofy side," answers JaVae. "I don't feel like I look very good and I need to wear makeup all the time to cover up what I see as imperfections. I try to look like a confident person when really, inside I'm very self conscious."

Dr. Phil turns to John and asks, "How about you? What are you hiding?"

"I'm just afraid to let loose and relax," says John. "I'm always putting on a front so people think I'm perfect. It works for me on the job to be so precise, but I can't seem to turn it off at home ... We fear relaxing and having fun because we fear how people will judge us."
Dr. Phil turns to JaVae's mother, Carolyn, and asks, "Was she like this when she was a little girl?"

"Javae was her own worst enemy," says Carolyn. "She didn't have to prove anything to her father and I but she thought she did " to the teachers, to us, to everybody."

"Did you have any ownership in this?" asks Dr. Phil.

"I would take some blame," admits Carolyn. "When she was little, I was extreme in cleaning my house and kept her immaculate and perfect. Because back then, being a perfectionist was good."

The audience laughs.

"Back then it was good?" laughs Dr. Phil. "Do I have 'stupid' stamped on my forehead?"
"I want to give you a challenge," Dr. Phil says to JaVae and John. "I want you to agree to do some things that are totally spontaneous and out of your comfort zone over the weekend. I don't care if it's going to a karaoke bar to sing. I will send a camera crew home with you to track you doing that and then fly you back here to look at the tape."

Though the challenge makes them nervous, JaVae and John agree to give it a try. The following weekend, they go out followed by a Dr. Phil camera crew.
"You challenged us to let our hair down and we're going to give it a try," says John.

"Tonight we're going to do a couple things we'd never do," says JaVae. "I'm really anxious!"

They agree to sing at a karaoke bar for the first time. "I think I'm going to need a glass of wine," says JaVae before going onstage. "I can't even sing Happy Birthday so the thought of me singing a song tonight really makes me very scared."

When the emcee calls their names, John and JaVae reluctantly hit the stage and sing a duet: "I Got You Babe." The audience cheers them on.
The next morning, the couple ventures out in public in ways they never have before. John agrees to have breakfast in a nice restaurant wearing sweats and without shaving. JaVae agrees to wear sweats as well " without any makeup!

"I never leave the house in sweats and I always shave," explains John. "Today, I'm just not going to worry about what people think."

"I never leave the house without makeup on," says JaVae.
Leaping completely out of his comfort zone, John lets loose and dances in public.
JaVae does cartwheels on the street.

"Cartwheels on Hollywood Boulevard!" exclaims JaVae. "How do you like that?"
"So, how did it feel?" asks Dr. Phil.

"It was so much fun," says JaVae. "We had such a great time. It was fun just being myself and not worrying about what everyone else was thinking."

"It was like a weight was lifted," says John.

"We didn't realize how we were always carrying that around with us," adds JaVae.

"Did anybody scream and run off?" asks Dr. Phil.

"No, they were very accepting of us," answers JaVae.

"They even complimented JaVae's cartwheels!" says John.