Relationship Rescue Retreat: Rob and Deanna

Relationship Rescue Retreat: Rob and Deanna
Dr. Phil's intense workshop with six couples on the verge of divorce.
Rob and Deanna are high school sweethearts who've been married almost 15 years and have four children. They fight about the same issues repeatedly, and are both tired and frustrated.

"We've had problems from day one," says Rob. "It's just been one struggle after another struggle." Rob says his biggest problem with his wife is her controlling ways. "I'm basically told where to go and when to show up. It gets frustrating," he says. Rob's father and aunt passed away recently, and he acknowledges the impact it has had on their family. "I haven't dealt with it," he admits.

Deanna says their biggest issues always seem to be money, time and common goals. She also feels that he leaves all the major decisions up to her. "I can't even count on him to take out the trash on a regular basis," says Deanna, who believes that Rob has become distant since the deaths of his two family members, and is covering up his grief with alcohol. "When Rob drinks, he gets louder and more obnoxious. I have definitely reached a point where something has to change."
Dr. Phil tells Rob, "The truth is, it's not your fault because fault would imply a bad intent. But it is your responsibility. The person you have to fix here, is you." He turns to Deanna: "How about you?"

"I'm responsible," she admits.

"Do you really believe that or is that just what you're saying because you understand that's the p.c. answer for right now?" he asks Deanna.

"No, I believe it," she says.

Dr. Phil addresses them both: "It isn't OK with me for you guys to live this way." To Rob: "You pour a little alcohol on top of it, right?"

"Not anymore," says Rob.

"Have you quit again?" Dr. Phil asks.

"I've never quit before."

Dr. Phil turns to Deanna: "Is this the big dream you had when you walked down the aisle?"

"Not even close," she responds.

"I mean, you deserve a better, more peaceful life than this."

"I believe that," she says.

Dr. Phil questions whether she really believes that she deserves better.

"I want that. I believe it," she reiterates.

"No, you don't," says Dr. Phil.

"I've never had it," admits Deanna, tearfully.

"You do not believe that you deserve better than that," he says.

"No," says Deanna, sadly.

"Because you've never had it, you've never seen it, so you just take what's there, right?" he asks her. Deanna nods, wiping a tear away.