Shocking Love Stories: Cary

A Long Way to Search for Love
“I’m on a quest for a lifelong partner. I took my first trip to Ukraine in April of 2011 on a tour that was sponsored by AForeignAffair.com,” Cary says. He enjoyed it so much, he decided to go back. “I funded the trip by selling my motorcycle and truck for around $9,500. I quit my job at the bank and made the move. My plan was to meet, court and marry a lady in the Ukraine, and one of the ladies who I found there was Yulia. I proposed to Yulia on the website, and she accepted.”

All seemed to be going well, until Cary ran out of money. “I was living in Ukraine for about four-and-a-half months. My bank account in the U.S. dried up. I ran out of money. My landlady told me to leave. I was kicked out on the streets, staying in the park. I got hypothermia, and I also got frostbite on my fingers and toes. When I became homeless, I emailed Yulia for help because I was now living in a train station and waiting for her to step up and help. Yulia did not.

“Social Services found me up on a bluff, about 20 meters from a train station. I caught pneumonia, and I was actually in the hospital for three weeks. Yulia emailed me out of the blue while I was in the hospital, and she did come to visit me that same day. She just didn’t seem like she was interested at all.”

Still, Cary isn’t giving up. “Even though I ran out of money, even though I was homeless, I still had a lot of fun, and I intend to go back and try my search again,” he says.

Dr. Phil welcomes Cary to the show and says he’s glad to see him healthy and in one piece. “Why Ukraine?” he asks.

Cary says it’s an easy country to visit and meet eligible women. “Generally, Eastern European women, they know how to cook, bake, sew, you name it, and take care of families, and children and husbands,” he says.

“Can’t imagine why you’ve been divorced twice,” Dr. Phil quips.

“But those skill sets are passed down from mother to daughter, and still are. Unfortunately, in the U.S., with a lot of career females, it’s no longer that prevalent to see women who know how to get into a marriage, and are confident and can help their husbands at the same time,” Cary explains.

[AD]Cary says his first trip to Ukraine was wonderful. “I’ve never seen so many eligible women in one place, dying to dance with you, and dying to meet you and dying to do everything else with you. It’s amazing. Usually, American men are standing in line to talk to anybody who’s interesting, and maybe you get to talk to them, and maybe you get to date them, and maybe you get to marry them and then maybe there’s a divorce waiting down the way. I mean, it’s just a process here that I didn’t want to repeat. In other words, where the women are eager to find marriage partners, and they enjoy the idea of being married, and they don’t want to leave them. So, that’s what I was looking for in Ukraine, or Eastern Europe.”Cary says the reason he ended up homeless is because after paying his rent, his landlady asked him to leave so she could have room for her ailing grandson. He never got his money back.

Was Yulia the real woman behind her online profile?


Co-founder of the international dating website, AForeignAffair.com, John Adams and his wife, executive client consultant, Tanya, join the discussion.

John says when he heard Cary’s plan to quit his job, sell his vehicles and go back to look for a wife, he thought it was unwise. He says what happened to him was also unusual. “I’ve been doing this for 17 years, Dr. Phil, and I have never, ever had anyone end up homeless in the Ukraine,” he says.

[AD]Cary says he thought he’d be able to meet, court and marry a woman in Ukraine within 90 days.

“I met Tanya at one of the socials, Cary, but it was a year-and-a-half later before we got married. I mean, there’s a process,” John says.

Tanya says in the time that Cary expected to find a wife, he should’ve been coming up with a plan for how he was going to pay for the trip and make sure he was taken care of. “My point was, you should do some homework before traveling somewhere,” she says.