Tuesdays with Morrie: Jared and Casey, Tarah and Josh

Tuesdays with Morrie: Jared and Casey, Tarah and Josh

"My husband, Jared, is a workaholic," Casey says. "You only get one life, and once it's gone, and you look back, and you're 80, you're like, ‘Oh, I wish I hadn't worked that hard. I mean, what was I working so hard for?'"

"I want them to live in a good neighborhood. I want them to have a good school, and I had to find a job that would provide that," Jared says.

Casey struggles to speak through her tears. "I need my husband. My girls need their dad," she says. "I would like Dr. Phil to help me make a plan of
action for us to have Jared home more."

Mitch relates to Casey's story. "Morrie was able to say to me, ‘What are you going so fast for? What are you accomplishing by doing all that?' At no time did Morrie say, ‘Boy, if I just could'v
e worked more.' So, I learned that lesson pretty quickly."

Dr. Phil introduces Mitch's wife, Janine. "Is he practicing what he preaches?" he asks.

"He's really trying," she reports. "It's a day-to-day process."

Dr. Phil answers Casey's question: "Absolutely no, you shouldn't let him continue to do that. If it means you need to move to a smaller house, sell your cars, get an old junker, whatever it takes. Thirty minutes a day with your kids three out of five days a week is not being a father, it's not being a husband. That's not what you want. Stand your ground now and do it before these kids get too far off the track," he says.

"I feel like my husband, Josh, is selfish," Tarah says. "He puts himself before his wife and son."

 

"Tarah thinks it's selfish that I want to go riding," Josh says, of his dirt bike hobby.

"I feel a lot of times like the dirt bike is up here, and we're down here," she says, gesturing. "I think he feels because he gets up early and leaves the house that he works harder than I do."


"By going to work, providing for the family, it should be sufficient," Josh says. "The last thing I want to do is worry about the dishwasher. "A lot of the things she asks me to do, I think it can wait," he says.

"I work 24 hours a day," Tarah says. "I pick up after my 2-year-old all day long. I pick up after Josh as well." But
it's not just about the division of labor. Tarah wipes away her tears. "In May of this year, I miscarried. The day that I found out that I had lost the baby and had surgery, he was working."


"At the time, I was wrapped up in what I had to do. I felt that my job was important enough to not be there," Josh says.

"I needed my husband to be there, and he wasn't," Tarah says quietly. "When I called Josh, he didn't really say, ‘I'm sorry' or ‘Do you need me there?' He has actually lost his ATM card, and he asked me if I could call the bank and have them cancel the card. I think the book, Tuesdays with Morrie would make anybody look at their life differently. I do hope the book could be an example for him to reprioritize his life and learn to put your loved ones above anyone else. I want Dr. Phil to tell my husband to put his family first."

When Dr. Phil asks for Josh's opinion after seeing their story, Josh tells him that a lot of additional dialogue had been edited out.

"Fill us in," Dr. Phil prompts. "Fill us in about calling her and wanting her to call the bank when she's at the hospital. Fill us in about not being there when she's having surgery. Fill us in on why she's crying on that tape because I'm pretty sure not everything is in there because of time, but I'm fairly certain that your wife crying on the screen and saying she feels lost and abandoned was pretty accurate."

"Well, I guess if I could have a do-over of a day of my life, it would be that day," Josh says. "I got so wrapped up in the fact that I had to work, and it was outside of what I do day to day, and I felt it was important for my attendance. In retrospect, I really wish I wouldn't have gone to work that day." Josh says he's been too busy to read Tuesdays with Morrie.

Mitch explains, "Morrie had this philosophy about life and death. He said, ‘Pretend there's a bird on your shoulder. Every day you get up, you look at this little bird, and you say, ‘Is today the day that I die?' If you are prepared to say to that little bird on your shoulder, ‘Well, I've lived my life exactly as I wanted to. I'm ready to go,' you've led a fulfilling life."

Dr. Phil wants to know more about Josh's theory that marriage is just an extension of his single life, and if Tarah had a job, she would understand what it's like to be tired.

"It's hard to balance a career, a family and still have a little bit of time to do the things that make me happy," Josh explains. "I don't think that me having an interest or a hobby or something that I've done for years and years
makes me a selfish person."

"First off, let me dispel one thought," Dr. Phil tells him. "Industrial engineers tell us that a stay-at-home mom works the equivalent of two full-time jobs. It is about balance, and you're right, you should have interests. You've got to do some of the things that fill up your spirit. And if that happens to be dirt biking, that's great, but the balance is out of balance here."
He points to Tarah. "This isn't work. And if it is, you're looking at it from the wrong way." Dr. Phil tells him that a miscarriage is a big deal.

Tarah agrees. "It is a big deal. If there is any time that a woman needs her husband, it's then," she says.

"I wish I could go back and do it differently," Josh says.

"Well, you can't. But you can do today differently, and you can do tomorrow differently, and you can redefine your definition of success in life to say, ‘How much am I meeting the emotional needs of my wife and my son? And how much can I count that toward how I measure my success as man?'"