Twisted Love: Dr. Phil's Advice

Twisted Love: Dr. Phil's Advice

 

Dr. Phil turns back to Tracy, "One of the things I'm really curious about is why you're waiting to see what he's going to do with your life. As opposed to saying, 'Look, I am your wife, I am the mother of your children, and once more, I am me. And I am entitled to be treated with dignity and respect.' You have to decide

that you're not just a passenger in this thing. If the cost of being half of a couple is to stop being all of who you are, the price is too high. That's true for both of you."

He tells Charles, "You are in a relationship that you made a deal on, and you've got an 18-year-old and a 16-year-old who absolutely know what's going on. You have an 11-year-old, who in my opinion, is showing real signs of knowing what's going on. So you have a job here. You are a role model, you are a provider, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, every possible way. Don't you owe full, focused,
undivided attention, to turn over every stone, to investigate every avenue of potential rehabilitation, to see if there is a way to maintain the integrity of this family and marriage? And if and when you've done that, and you have nothing more to give, then five years from now, when your children come to you and ask, 'Why did you divorce my mother?' Then you can say, 'Well, it isn't because I started running with some other woman.' You can say, 'I weighed this very carefully. I did everything I knew how to do.'"

 

Tracy isn't ready to give up on her marriage. "I want Charlie to, if he chooses to reconnect in the marriage, to work on the marriage, I want him to do it because it's what he wants, not because I'm the default."

"And if he can't bring that after a period of self-examination," says Dr. Phil, "after a period questioning from counselors, if he says, 'I've heard it all. I've seen it all. I've got nothing to give here —'"

"Then he needs to let me go," Tracy finishes. 

"It's not a matter of he needs to let you go, you need to decide you're gone," stresses Dr. Phil.

 

But until then, Tracy wants more marriage counseling.  "Are you willing to do that?" Dr. Phil asks Charles.

"Yes." 

He asks Charles if he's willing to cut off his relationship with the other woman.

Charles gathers his thoughts before saying, "Yes, I'm willing to do it." He explains his hesitation. "I've known this woman for 13 years. She really is a good friend."

"It seems to me that the loyalties here, if you put them on a totem pole, wife and kids are so far above friends. And believe me, she has ownership in this. You guys mismanaged this friendship. You've got to cut that off," says Dr. Phil.

He tells Tracy, "And if he's unwilling to cut that off, not just in word, but in deed, then you need to get out of this."