Wedding Disasters: Mike and Melanie

Wedding Disasters: Mike and Melanie
Dr. Phil speaks with guests who can't get over their wedding day disasters.

"My wedding day was the worst day of my life," says Melanie.

Malanie and Mike planned a Fourth of July themed wedding, complete with a red, white and blue cake.

"We both agreed that my mom's backyard would be just perfect," says Melanie. "I woke up in the morning; it was beautiful outside. Then all of a sudden an hour before we're supposed to get married, it started pouring rain. All my arrangements were blowing everywhere. I ran in the house bawling my eyes out. I just wanted to get in bed and never wake up."

Eventually, Melanie joined her guests and she and Mike got married inside the house. "The entire ceremony was about five minutes long. And it ended up being horrible," says Mike. "My wedding day was worse than a disaster."

 

"I was very, very disappointed," says Melanie. "I definitely feel that our marriage is doomed, because our wedding was such a disaster. I believe in my heart that our wedding was cursed. Michael and I fight over the stupidest things." She's even mentioned the possibility of divorce. "Dr Phil, how do I put my wedding disaster behind me and save my marriage?"

"Do you really want to put this behind you?" Dr. Phil asks Melanie.

"I do. I really do. I want to stop saying, 'I want a divorce.' But it just doesn't ever happen that way," she says.

"And you think that's all tied to the wedding?"

"I do because it started on such a horrible foundation that I just feel that my marriage is not going to go anywhere," says Melanie. "It blew up in our faces, so every time I get in an argument, I go back to that day and tell him, 'See, I told you. We should've just went out the door, separated, said our goodbyes.'"

"Would you consider yourself a drama queen?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Maybe," says Melanie. "It's just that an hour before our wedding, the biggest storm came from nowhere and totally destroyed everything."

"So you think it was cursed?"

"Yeah. Why be married? I should just be divorced. I should be just by myself the rest of my life," she says.

"Because it rained?" asks Dr. Phil."It didn't just rain, we're talking rain drops this big," says Melanie, demonstrating.

"So it rained heavy. And so you're supposed to be a cursed old maid for the rest of your life because it rained heavy?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yeah, extremely heavy. And wind," she adds.

"So you had a thunderstorm."

"It was more like a monsoon," she says.

"This haunts her every day that there's rain," says Mike.

"I think your marriage may be in trouble, I don't know, but I don't think it has anything to do with the thunderstorm or the wedding," Dr. Phil tells them. "Here's the thing. First off, I think that words are very powerful. The reason I ask you if you consider yourself to be a drama queen is because both of you have used words like 'cursed, disaster, horrible, worst day of your life, ruined your marriage.' I've spent time in a hospital in the children's burn unit. That's horrible. Raining on your wedding day? That ain't horrible."

"It is to me," argues Melanie.

"No, it's not. It's a disappointment," says Dr. Phil. "And I don't mean to minimize or be insensitive to the fact that your wedding got rained out. There's not even a correlation between a perfect wedding and a perfect marriage, and there is not a correlation between an inconvenient, disruptive, chaotic wedding and a chaotic marriage ... You know what's going on here? You're catastrophizing this. It happened. It's over. What you need to do is work on the marriage."

Dr. Phil explains they should work on their personal relationship values. For example, "One of those personal relationship values is that your marriage must transcend the daily ups and downs and controversy." For example when they fight, no matter how trivial it is, they bring up divorce. "If you want a divorce, then get a divorce! You don't want a divorce, so stop saber rattling. What you're doing is testing him."


"Because she knows where my weak points are," says Mike. "She knows that if I ever lost her, that would be my last."

"He said to our producers, 'She has no idea how much it hurts me when she says that,'" Dr. Phil tells Melanie.

 

"Yes, I do," says Melanie tearfully.

"Then you need to ask yourself, what is wrong with you that you are continuing to put your marriage on the line?" asks Dr. Phil. "I've been married 28 years. We have never spoken the D-word in our house even as a joke. There is no issue upon which we are willing to put the marriage on the line."

Dr. Phil points out that this is Melanie's second marriage. "You didn't do an autopsy on the last relationship," he says. "You have unfinished emotional business from that other relationship and you're making him pay for the sins of someone that went before him ... You've got a chip on your shoulder. You've got to get the chip off your shoulder and you need to come present in the here and now ... You've got to stop this catastrophic language, you got to stop saying that your fate is sealed because you had a storm on your wedding day."

Dr. Phil sums it up: "Nothing goes perfectly. If you go into these things with the expectation that things are going to be perfect, you'll be disappointed every time. You've got to kind of roll with it and embrace it and make it part of the lure that becomes your life. It makes for great stories! And while it's serious to y'all, you do need to have a sense of humor about it some. If you can't laugh at yourself and your circumstance, then you will cry."