Will There Be A Wedding?: Michelle and Aaron

Will There Be A Wedding?: Michelle and Aaron
"I have a theory," Dr. Phil starts out. "If it takes you five years to talk yourself into something, it might not be a good idea."

"There are five key questions that I think people should ask themselves when they're thinking abut getting married. One is Why? Why do you want to get married? What's driving your choice? Do you know why you want to marry him?" Dr. Phil asks Michelle."What's driving your choice? Not just to him, but why get married at all?"

"Well, up until we started fighting, when we're together, I love being with him," answers Michelle.

"Why do you want to marry her?" Dr. Phil asks Aaron.

"Basically the same thing," says Aaron. "I like being with her. We enjoy doing the same things."
Dr. Phil asks Michelle: "Have you done an autopsy on your last relationship? Have you looked at what you did to contribute to it coming unraveled? What was the number one thing?"

She answers, "I went into the relationship doing everything for him. I cooked, cleaned and did everything. I wanted to be the perfect little wife and that caused bitterness in me toward him and he didn't appreciate it. I did all this and I wanted something back from him."

"And you didn't get it. Is that happening again now?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yes, I want [Aaron] to contribute," answers Michelle. "I don't do the same things I did in [my] first marriage.
Dr. Phil tells Michelle and Aaron another key question all couples should ask themselves: Are you moving away from something or are you moving toward something?

Dr. Phil asks Michelle: "Are you moving away from not being married, or toward being married? I mean, do you want to be married to him or is it that you don't want to be a single parent?"

"I want to be married to him," replies Michelle.

"Would you say the same thing?" Dr. Phil asks Aaron. "That you want to be married to this specific individual?"

"I thought I was going to be single forever until I met her," says Aaron. "And the way we were the first couple of years we were together were great. We'd cook together and do all these things together, we just kind of got away from that."
Dr. Phil continues, "The third question is, 'What are your expectancies about marriage?'"

Michelle answers, "I want him to respect me and love me. We're going to have hard times, but you get through that with communication rather than yelling at somebody you're supposed to love."

Aaron replies, "I want somebody that supports me in my decisions. Somebody to be a good mother to my children."
"I'm going to analyze the pros and cons of this relationship," says Dr. Phil. "You noted that he is good with your son, but he has problems with the discipline. You said he was pretty cute. And I don't want to embarrass you but you said he was pretty good in bed."

Then I looked at the con side: He won't help around the house. He calls you the 'B' word. He calls you the 'C' word. You said he is lazy and is mean. You've almost split up 12 times. He spends hours playing video games. He's selfish, puts you down, no compassion, financially irresponsible. Has no respect for you. He yells, and he grew up around a lot of fighting ... Gee, I don't know, do you all have some work to do or not?"
Dr. Phil tells Michelle, "We could make your list as well. There were a lot of things on the con side of that list ... This isn't all one sided.

I'm asking: Are you ready to get married? In my opinion, and I'm not asking you to substitute my judgment for your own, I think you've got a lot of work to do before you get married. Because I think if you got married now, all of these things would be a problem the week you got married."