So, you’re ready to settle down, but dating isn’t coming as easily to you as you thought. What now? Dr. Phil, along with host of VH1’s Why Am I Still Single
?, Siggy Flicker, provide the top five mistakes you may be making. Do any of these sound like you?
- Ignoring Social Cues: Not asking questions and ignoring things about your date. “Everybody’s favorite topic in the whole world is themselves,” Dr. Phil says. “Ask questions.” Siggy adds, “That person could walk away and think there was no chemistry, but you would be great for his/her next door neighbor. It’s all about networking: open yourself up and learn about something new. Instead of being negative, make dating a positive experience.”
- Talking about Your Ex: “Anywhere between zero and a little bit is too much,” Dr. Phil explains. “There is a point at which you do need to talk about it.” When that time comes, Siggy continues, “There is a way to take every negative and turn it to a positive. But you never want to go into a first date and talk about anything that starts with an “ex”: not your ex-lover, not your ex-husband, not your ex-boyfriend, not even your expectations,” she quips. Dr. Phil instructs that, when posed with questions about your past, to answer them openly and honestly. Tell your date of your past, “It was a teachable moment in my life and I have moved on,” he says.
- Basing Everything on Chemistry: Siggy encourages daters to realize there are multiple forms of chemistry that all have to align in order for a love connection. Aside from physical chemistry, she says there must be intellectual chemistry. “If the person across from you can’t spell Bob backwards, things will fall apart,” she warns. The third type of chemistry is emotional chemistry — being available to open yourself up to another person. And the last, and most important form of chemistry, Siggy says, is spiritual chemistry. “When you think of someone spiritually, you think of someone who is kind, giving and loving,” she says. “You want to be with someone who is generous and kind with his mind, time, heart and soul. Why? You want that person to be able to roll with you through the good times and the bad.”
- Bringing in Baggage: “When you enter a relationship, you’re going to do one of two things,” Dr. Phil says. “You’re either going to contribute to it or contaminate it.” He instructs love-seekers to leave their baggage at the door, and share when appropriate and when reciprocated.
- Over Sharing: “Don’t give your résumé on a date,” Dr. Phil warns. “Let things happen organically.”