Zip Code:
Provider Type:

          Adoption: To Tell or Not To Tell?

          October 04, 2002

          Pam’s grandson believes that Pam is his mother. Pam’s daughter, his true biological mother, was in trouble with the law, and when the state offered Pam custody, she took it. Though her daughter has always pushed her to tell him the truth, he still doesn’t know. Pam is trying to decide whether to live with this secret or to risk everything that’s important to her.

          Dr. Phil’s Advice

        • Don’t ever burden children with adult issues.
        • Never ask a child to deal with something over which they have no influence or control.
        • If other people know, you have to assume he’s going to find out. The question becomes “Do you want to tell him, or do you want him to find out from someone else?”
        • Who should tell him and when? The answers are “you” and “now.”
        • Motherhood is genetic, but it is also a concept. You are that boy’s mother.
        • Don’t be afraid for one split second that he’s going to regard you with any less love, any less appreciation, any less bonding, any less caring when you explain to him that you are his grandmother.
        • Explain to him that you wanted to raise him. Most mothers don’t get to pick their kids. You picked him. You are his mother every minute of every day.



          Related Shows

          Tell Us Your Story

          Be on the Show! Text “PHIL” to 88500
          Be on the Show

          Is Anger Ruining Your Life?

          Are you being verbally and emotionally abused daily by a spouse or family member?

          Be on the Show

          Huge Family Drama?

          Is your family unable to be in the same room without a HUGE fight taking place?

          Be on the Show

          Clear Your Name With Dr. Phil’s Help

          Is your name being dragged through the mud? Are you ready to do something about it?

          Help & Resources

          Find Treatment Centers and Therapists!

          Check out the mental health treatment programs that have assisted Dr. Phil guests.

          Feeding America

          Learn how you can help feed a child this summer.

          Be on the Show

          Have a Story Dr. Phil Won’t Believe?

          Want to appear on Dr. Phil? Text PHIL to 88500