Zip Code:
Provider Type:

          Fixing Your Family Feud

          February 15, 2005

          If you’re in the middle of a family feud — whether it involves money or not — ask yourself: Is it worth losing a loved one over?

          • Choose to forgive. Holding onto a grudge will only eat you up inside and cause huge family rifts. The only thing worse than not speaking to a family member for three years is not speaking to them for three years and one day.
          • Sometimes relationships need a hero. That means someone has to step up and be the bigger person to close the gap. Someone has to make the first move, the first compromise, to heal the relationship. Swallow your pride and be that person. Think about what the future holds if you do not mend this.
          • Think of how this feud is affecting the rest of the family. Are there other family members or children caught in the middle? Think of the unnecessary stress you may be putting on others. Dr. Phil tells two feuding siblings to consider their 84-year-old mother. “Let me tell you something. At 84 years old, she deserves the peace of knowing that her family is unified and intact,” he says.
          • No matter how flat you make a pancake, it still has two sides. Step into the other person’s shoes and try to see their side of the story. Try to understand the other person and why they acted in a hurtful way. Try not to judge them. Conversely, examine your role in the feud. Did you do or saying something hurtful? Did you promise something and then back out of your agreement? Keep in mind the other person probably has some valid points that you need to weigh and consider.
          • Ask yourself, if your family member died suddenly, what would be left unsaid? In a perfect world, if you could write the script of your life, what would your relationship with that person be like? Start creating that relationship now.
          • Reach out to your family member and ask them to talk to you. Start with an apology for whatever part you may have played in the feud. Take responsibility for your actions. Explain why this relationship is important to you and affirm your love for the other person.
          • Dig further into what may have caused this rift. If it’s about money, ask yourself if that is the real issue. Examine your feelings about the person you’re fighting with and get to the bottom of when it all began.
          • Consider hiring a financial expert if you and a loved one are at odds over finances. If you can’t see eye to eye, perhaps a third party can help come up with a plan that will lead to a solution.
          • Create some boundaries where you can begin to heal the relationship, but you’re not allowed to bring up the source of the feud. Take 90 days to focus on reconnecting, and rebuilding the relationship. If you’re siblings, just be siblings for 90 days and keep the subject of the feud off the table. After 90 days, examine the issue. You’ll have found some middle ground and the value of the relationship will be more important by then.
          TELL DR. PHIL YOUR STORY: Huge family drama?

          Phil in the Blanks – The Podcast

          Tell Us Your Story

          Be on the Show! Text “PHIL” to 88500

          Want to Be on the New Show “Face the Truth”?

          Want to be on “Face the Truth”, a new show by Stage 29 Productions (producer of “The Doctors”), hosted by Vivica A. Fox?

          Be Part of a New Project

          January Baby Shower for Mom in Detroit?

          Know someone planning a January baby shower in the Detroit area? Tell us! This is a project for Jay McGraw, not “Dr. Phil” (although it may be featured on the show), please note it is a commercial project.

          Be on the Show

          Explosive Family Drama?

          Does everyone in your family have strong personalities and refuse to back down?

          Be on the Show

          Need Dr. Phil’s Help?

          Share your story for a chance to be on the show!

          Be Part of a New Project

          Mom of Kid 2 or Younger In Detroit?

          Know a mom living in the Detroit area with a child wearing diapers? If so, tell us! This is a project for Jay McGraw, not “Dr. Phil” (although it may be featured on the show), please note it is a commercial project.

          Help & Resources

          Find Treatment Centers and Therapists!

          Check out the mental health treatment programs that have assisted Dr. Phil guests.

          Feeding America

          Learn how you can help feed a family struggling with hunger during the holidays.

          Be on the Show

          Have a Story Dr. Phil Won’t Believe?

          Want to appear on Dr. Phil? Text PHIL to 88500

          Simple Share Buttons
          Simple Share Buttons