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          In a Rush to Get Married?

          July 23, 2005

          Are you obsessed with getting married? If so, Dr. Phil suggests that you ask yourself some questions before rushing into marriage with Mr. Right Now instead of waiting for Mr. Right.

          • What is it that you’re focused on exactly? Are you obsessed with having a fantasy wedding or being married? If you’re consumed with thoughts of the “perfect wedding,” remember that fairytale weddings don’t exist. Things go wrong, even at the most carefully prepared events.
          • Have you planned out the details of your wedding even though you’re not engaged? Dr. Phil cautions against having a philosophy from the movie “Field of Dreams,” which is “If you build it, they will come.” If you plan out your ideal wedding, your future husband will not magically appear.
          • Keep in mind that if you are desperate to get married, you could be giving out signals that are actually scaring away the opposite sex. Seven percent of communication is verbal and the other 93 percent is nonverbal. What kinds of nonverbal signals might you be sending out regarding commitment?
          • In your desperation to get married, are you moving toward something or away from something? For example, some people get married so they can move away from home, not necessarily toward their spouse. A simpler way to ask this question might be: Are you moving toward being married or away from being single?
          • Do you yearn to be married because you believe it will make you feel complete? Understand that marriage doesn’t complete you. If you think you need to be half of a couple to be all of who you are, you’re engaging in “wrong thinking.” You don’t need to be half of a couple to be complete.
          • Are you in a conflict with a parent or authority figure because of your desire to marry? If so, could getting married be an act of rebellion? Consider this if you are of legal age to marry. If you don’t need permission to marry, what is your payoff for the conflict?
          • If you are engaged, have you discussed religion, children, careers, division of labor, in-laws and geography with your partner? If not, how do you anticipate that you’ll be able to successfully merge two lives together?
          • Do you feel social pressure to get married soon? It’s possible that from a very young age you were taught that marriage is a right of passage and you don’t become an adult or a woman until you get married. Remember that this social pressure, real or imagined, doesn’t make it true. You do not become a full-fledged adult by becoming married.

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